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Happy November Reader!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how sometimes we hold ourselves back from the level of success we’re capable of, not because we’re lazy, unprepared, or unqualified, but because visibility is actually terrifying.

The more we are revealed, the more people believe they have the right to engage with us. To comment. To critique. To project. And so much of our modern, online life blurs the lines between familiarity and access.

Our parasocial relationships are fascinating in that way—how we speak to and about strangers online in ways we would never approach another human being in person.

And so, many of us learn to withhold. To hold back the fullness of who we are. Because revealing ourselves doesn’t only invite love... it also invites judgment.
It’s scary to imagine that the same light that draws in those who see us clearly also attracts those who misunderstand us completely.

For me, this has been coming up a lot lately.

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On Visibility & Self-Sabotage

For example -- I’ve had this comedy special written since 2020.
By early 2022, it was tight. By 2023, I did a private run-through with a handful of people who laughed, cried, and told me it was time.
And yet, I’ve kept delaying it -- revising, reimagining, rationalizing.

If I’m honest, I’ve been afraid of what will happen once I really show up.
Because I know I’m funny. I know the script is good.
And once it’s out there -- once I do it -- I can’t go back to pretending that never happened. I can't go back to the singular brand I've kind of-sort of- accidentally boxed myself into. I will have to be vulnerable. I will have to be even more of actual EbonyJanice.

It’s the same fear that whispers when I think about the inevitable success of Real Soft Girl Shit (Row House, Fall 2026). The same flutter I feel as my voice transforms across platforms, as my Instagram grows (up 8K new followers since September), as my TikTok following expands (1500K+ new lovers this past October), and as my videos reach hundreds of thousands of people (1M+ views across platforms in October alone).
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It’s the knowing that more eyes means more projections, more opinions, and more energy to navigate.

But November feels like the month where I stop hiding behind my work and let the work shine through me. Every platform—TikTok, Instagram, Patreon, YouTube—is an altar. And every time I show up, I’m re-dedicating myself to the practice of dreaming, softness, and sovereignty in public.

💭 What’s New

• 🎙️ Dreaming Ourselves Free — new episodes of the Patreon podcast are live. I’m still exploring what it means to dream as a form of freedom, softness, and survival.
• ✨ Becoming A Priest — my new TikTok mini-doc series on making Black religion beautiful and accessible launches November 1st.
• 📺 I’m back on YouTube — for real this time. Tap in, subscribe, and grow with me there. The month of November I'll be musing on Black Romance, Wellness for women in their 30's and 40s, Hip Hop As Sacred Text, and continuing to be a walking "Little Self Help" pamphlet.
• 🌙 Dream Yourself Free Cohort 8 — applications are open now. If you’re ready to do this work in real time, don’t wait.
• 📚 Review All The Black Girls Are Activists — your Goodreads and Amazon reviews make a real difference for this movement.
• 📺 Watch/Listen to EbonyJanice as a podcast guest - "The Practice Of A Hoodoo Baptist" podcast with Chelsea VonChaz talking about "Black Girlhood As Sacred Text"
• 📚 Read & Subscribe to my substack - Where I'm continuing to explore a sacred, sovereign, softness for all of us.
• ✨ Oooooh! Have you followed @realsoftgirlsociety on IG yet? I have such a gorgeous dream for that space. Go follow and share with your friends on their softness journey.

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This month, I’m learning that visibility is its own priesthood.
That being seen on purpose, not out of performance, not out of fear, but out of devotion, is a kind of consecration.

I’m practicing what I preach: to be soft enough to stay present, even when it’s uncomfortable, and sovereign enough to keep showing up anyway.

Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for staying.

What is one thing YOU can do for your softness and vulnerability in the month of November?

Send me a reply and let me know. I'd love to offer an Ase&Amen to affirm your journey onward! Radical softness and vulnerability really is a profound tool towards becoming. Actual YOU is a deep exhale we have all been waiting for.

With love and softness,
​EbonyJanice

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